It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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