Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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