Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
