i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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