btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize