You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
