So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
