Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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