I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
