OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
