I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
