That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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