New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
