Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
