Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
