zippers are such a cool invention
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
