happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
