Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
