my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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