Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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