I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
