just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
