I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Randomize