First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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