You made me cry and you don't even care
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm like, not good at living.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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