You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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