Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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