found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
