someone threw a dead crab at me
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
