I wish I only lived at night.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
