the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
