All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
