If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
home. puking in laundry basket.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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