I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
