to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize