Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
