She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
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He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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