I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
