that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
