this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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