Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
