I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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