When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
