Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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