we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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