ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
it glows. i had to have it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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