A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
