I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
