i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
