when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
