Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
