woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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