I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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