Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
