i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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