Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
