you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
