He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize