Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
