He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
