Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
