I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
