I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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