You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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