Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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