Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
