just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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