we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
