Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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