Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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