How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize