I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
