she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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